how to say these things

last night I wanted to tell you everything
how my hands bend into arches every time they remember the small of your back,
the way the hummingbird’s wings expand and beat faster on the way back to her nest
but I don’t know any other way to say these things
and the brute force of metaphors
can feel like the worst kind of injustice
when you’re trying to pin down your heart.
so I’ll just tell you what I can,
that you arrested my thoughts without laying a hand on them;
you were the strongest of all possible peaceful overthrows.
the cleanest, the most painless kind of of occupation.
and even if saying this is like admitting defeat,
at least I know what it really means.
It means I can find my heartbeat again.
It means that I can speak words
into the space between prison and promise
that illustrate the face of hope and say without any reservations that you did this to me,
that we did this to me.
and if there are any mysteries locked up inside these conversations
– and there are mysteries –
I want to release those sleeping sons and daughters
out of stories into flames,
out of thoughts and into names.
We give them breath, and so they live,
and every time your mouth opens, thunderstorms begin.
Every time your words open, a seed splits its skin.
These are the long shots and forget-me-nots
that shake the cages of the half-hopeful
so speak to me.
We are barely-remembered tongues overflowing from the mouths of smoking guns, so speak to me.
We are the aching of forgotten songs spilling over the walls of abandoned synagogues, so speak to me.
Tell me everything I wish I didn’t know I’m not saying, because last night I wanted to split the heavens open into symphonies,
the way your voice cracks into mercy every time you speak to me,
the way the histories of trees are broken open every time lightning strikes
their bark bursting at the seams, their sap bubbling into steam;
you speak to me.
And yeah, I know.
I’m murdering these analogies, and it probably isn’t fair,
but I don’t know any other way to say these things.